Wonder Woman

I always wish I could protect you from everything and everyone, but I cannot. Not because I am weak or something like that, it is because I cannot fight your fights, even if I really want to do so. I used to feel weak. I used to feel like I am not brave enough to take care of you. Well, something has changed.
I know I should not, but I always try to be, I don't know, like Wonder Woman. I am always looking for a way to get stronger. I feel like if I show you that I am brave, you will get braver. When you cry, I cry too. It is not because I am feeling weak (like I used to feel), it is because I feel your pain and I feel a little bit useless for not being able to protect you every time. Well, you can be sure that I am thinking about good things, though. I don't know, I just try to be positive and to give you a "positive energy". I try to show you all my love to make you feel better.

As I said, I cannot fight your fights. But you can be sure that I will be always here, to cheer you up and to take care of you if you get hurt. And you can be sure I am not the only one by your side.

Bjmordida

PS: It reminds me of two songs of t.A.T.u.

Love

‎"Love is. And just is." (Lost and Delirious)

I could not even remember the last time I got so speechless.
Can you feel it? Can you feel anything?

Mad

I feel mad.
I know it's not a good feeling, but I just can't do anything about it.
I feel like screaming in front of everybody, but nobody gives a fuck. If someone does, it's not because I'm feeling mad. It's just because I don't want to shut the fuck up.
How can anyone be disturbed so badly by my silence?
Or how can anyone be okay with me screaming like that?

I don't know.

Looking at myself in the mirror

When I look at myself in the mirror, I generally look for some body imperfections and try to figure out how I can fix them. I think trying to be prettier is a nice wat to show some love to myself. I do not want to be perfect, I just want to be comfortable with myself.
There was a moment in my life that I could barely look at myseld in the mirror, because I was ashamed and felt really bad about myself. When I was younger, some people used to say bad things about me, and I used to feel really sad, but I kept letting them say whatever they wanted. If something like that happens nowadays, I will not react the same way, because now I love myself and I am proud of who I am.
Until last year, I think I was not able to love myself. Since a friend of mine told me I should not be ashamed or afraid of who I am and whatever I feel, my life changed. I remember going to the bathroom, closing the door and start talking to myself in front of a mirror since that day.
Day by day, I started to feel comfortable with myself again. Day by day, looking at myself in the mirror was getting easier.
Some people can hurt you with or without intention, but I learned that love can fix a broken heart.

______________________________

Engraçado pensar que um ano (ou melhor, menos que isso) pode fazer uma diferença absurda.

Engraçado pensar que uma pessoa pode ter feito tanto por você dizendo apenas uma frase.

Engraçado pensar que você jamais esperava que essa pessoa, que você foi tão idiota e malvada, fosse te ver pedindo socorro quando ninguém mais viu isso e te ajudou, mudou sua vida.

Patee, você não tem ideia do bem que me fez ao conversar comigo naquela madrugada, ao dizer "Não tenha vergonha de nada que você seja capaz de sentir"!

Não sinto mais como se existisse um monstro dentro de mim. Apenas sinto que sou a Ana Luiza, uma garota de 19 anos, com desejos, expectativas e um pouco de revolta com o mundo, como a maioria das pessoas de minha idade.

(Fiz questão de me afastar de quem fazia com que eu me sentisse assim, e vou continuar fazendo isso.)

Ao me aceitar, descobri que existem pessoas maravilhosas por aí, inclusive meus pais e meu irmão. Não que eu duvidasse disso, apenas tive certeza.

Chorar de medo e vergonha? Não mais!

Bjmordida.

PS: O texto não ficou exatamente como eu queria, mas okay... O final ficou jogado, porque o tempo da aula acabou. rs

E, bem, eu não falava literalmente com o espelho, só ficava me encarando e pensando num diálogo comigo mesma. Se querem saber, ainda faço isso. rs

Not perfect, but still good

I don't want a perfect life.

I just want to live.
I said LIVE, not simply exist.

It is so easy to forget what really matters.
To tell the truth, I don't forget.
People want me to forget, and I just don't know why.

They think I am not happy. Or that I should not be happy.

Not right now.

They think I don't have anything.

But I do.

I don't need money, I don't need to drink, I don't need to hook up with every sexy girl I know.

I am okay with who I am. Why aren't they?

Do they know what really makes me happy?

Of course they don't.

They don't want to know me. They just want me to change.

I will not.

I have almost everything I need to have a wonderful (not perfect! I prefer this way!) life.

Do they know what really matters for me? Do they know what really matters for themselves?

I know I don't live my life the way I want to, but.... Do you know why?

Because of them.

Probably you have the same problem as me.

I don't know.

I am really tired of this shit.

Zombie

It’s like I have been swimming in the ocean for years. I feel exhausted. So exhausted that I can barely know what is worse: The pain all over my body or starvation and thirst.

It’s like I am dead. My feelings are so strong and run so deep inside me that it causes me emptiness. I do not want to be here. I want to shout until I lose my voice and start bleeding inside. I just want to run away. I just want to nap in a girl’s arms, listening to her heart and smelling her neck; feeling the wind that comes from the ocean.

I want to feel safe again, and stop drawing in the ocean. I do not want a place to stay, but I do not want to be lost anymore.

_________________________

Aula de Sociologia, 24/11/2011.

Glass Wall

"I can see you,
But I can't touch you.
You're behind this glass wall.
Why can't I break this wall?
This glass wall is made of your fears.
Only you can break it.
Why do you have these fears?
I can't touch you because of them!
Why can't I do anything?! What should I do?!
I can see you behind this glass wall,
But I can't touch you, neither your heart."

(2008)

______O______

Minha mãe comprou uma cama nova para nosso quarto (meu e do meu irmão, infelizmente).
Por causa disso, tive que tirar tudo que estava dentro do meu baú - basicamente, só tinha minha caixa de lembranças.
Na caixa, achei textos antigos que eu havia escrito. O "Glass Wall" é um deles! =P
Achei textos que pensei que tinha jogado fora... Mas o que realmente me pergunto é onde foi parar a minha pasta de poemas! @_@
Os poemas desaparecidos foram escritos em 2005. Até que consegui achar um deles no meio desses textos... Ele é bem... Estranho. Eu me sentia um pouco (?!) sozinha na época, então... Acho que isso explica! Muito trágico para uma menina de 12 anos! >D
Bem, falando nos textos, tem pelo menos um texto para cada ano desde que entrei no colégio! XD
É engraçado relê-los, eu era muito revoltada. Ou amargurada, não sei dizer bem.
Aos poucos, vou colocando alguns deles aqui. São muito ruins, mas... Acho que seria legal compartilhá-los com quem visita meu blog! =D
Afinal, eles são... Tipo o oposto do que sou agora, acho. Ou não! hahaha! XD

Sorry se tiver algum erro muito bizarro em "Glass Wall", mas... Ele retratou um momento bem angustiante que vivi. Não é bem angustia, é uma incerteza que dói, entendem? o.o

Bem, esse post ficou maior do que o esperado!
Uma forma de fugir da bizarrice do ENEM?
É, talvez! Só de pensar nisso... Sinto vergonha do Brasil... -.-'

Bjmordida!

Guilty

"I don't know why,
But I feel guilty.
It wasn't a lie,
But it wasn't a beauty.
It's not alright.

I wanted it to work.
The only thing I can say
Is that my heart's not broken.
I don't wanna stay.
Please, do not worry.

Just leave me alone.
Tonight, yeah, this night,
I want to play that song.
Don't hold me so tight.
It's seems to be too wrong.

Just say good bye."

Bem, a métrica não está boa, nem as rimas, mas...

It's no surprise.

"Honey yeah, it's no surprise
I got lost in your brown eyes."


("Brown Eyes")